Journeys

Yesterday I attended Create 08 workshop with Heidi Swapp (with lots of organising by Chanel - thank you!!!) Heidi was musing over the last time she was here and the time before that as well, and about how much change has happened in her life since then. After the busy workshop had ended Lisa and I caught up with Ngaire and Trina. Now this is going to sound a little conceited but please stay with me... (it won't in the end) Ngaire told me I was looking fabulous and didn't actually recognise me at first, a hell of a lot has changed in my life since I saw her last.

Late 2003 was the first time I met Heidi at Melbourne ISC. Then again in 2006 at the Gold Coast ISC. Just before the Gold Coast ISC, I had ended (or so I thought) a VERY unhealthy relationship. I seemed to have had nothing but unhealthy relationships and was very tired of the whole "love" thing. At the end of every relationship I do something wacky, some women get their hair cut off... me I don't now otherwise I'd be bald LOL The time before I had had my belly button pierced, so I decided now I wanted a tattoo. To cement my despair in love I had decided to get a black empty heart, not broken, just empty. It was to symbolise a reminder to myself to never fall in love again. Jaimie, Kass and myself all had a spare session after lunch on the Saturday and we planned to go get pierced and tattooed.

First class up on Saturday morning was Heidi. She has this aura about her. She was telling us all about thejourney she'd had with her product release. I got so much more out of that class than scrapbooking. So much so that I took the packaging with me to the tattoo place later that day and got her flower logo instead of the empty heart. Quite a few people thought it was an attention seeking stunt, stalking, etc etc but to me that flower represented a light bulb moment in my life, one that has continued to change and shape me since that day to bring me to where I am now.

The woman who wanted the black empty heart had no desire to live whatsoever. She was tired. Tired of life and everything in it. In contrast a flower represents the full cycle of life, and that's what I needed to remind myself, this too shall pass.

After ISC I got incredibly sick, had an operation, had a lot of time off work and let myself be coerced back into the bad relationship. I was in a very bad place. This was around the last time I saw Ngaire when I bought some scrappy stuff off her.

Since then a lot of people have come and gone in my life, none of which have been forgotten though. One in particular led me back to my roots, my spiritual being which I had tried to suppress for so long. I'd gone to so many different churches in the past in a hope to somehow fit in, but because I challenge everything, I just don't fit in. I started to meditate on a regular basis and found it so beneficial that I do it now because I know I *need* to, not that I have to or feel compelled to.

The first major change was moving house. I was living in the house that held a lot of negative memories of a failed marriage and failed relationships. I almost completely lost the plot when I had to leave there. I became so angry and held onto that anger for quite some time. After another year of being generally angry and unhappy in working through all my baggage I decided I was ready to let go of it. I did an Angel Card reading for myself and the card that came up was a card that means there is going to be major change in your work life and home life. When I was given notice that the house I was renting was being put up for sale I wasn't surprised at all. I wasn't happy about it but I saw it as another phase in my life. My healing phase of getting rid of the old had come to an end. I still kept getting that Angel Card when I did readings though, so when I was accidentally copied in on an email talking about my redundancy I wasn't shocked. So many things happened around this time that I refused to let get the better of me.

To back track a bit, when I was looking at rentals before I moved into the house I'm in now, I wasn't worried that I wouldn't find one. For the first time in such a long time I had faith. That's how I felt about my job prospects too. My boss (at the time) asked me to define my dream job and what I needed for it training wise. I now have my dream job :)

Emotionally I feel free for the first time in my life. I'm happier than I can ever remember myself being. And... I'm looking forward to the future instead of wishing it away.

So thanks Ngaire ;) for reminding me how far I've come in the last few years, and thanks Heidi for being the catalyst.

Comments

[Sharon]

xxxooo

[Manola]

Elizabeth I loved how you described your journey. I believe people come into and leave our lives for a reason. Sometimes it takes a while to finally let go but it is so worth it once you have. I know how hard that can be. Thank you for sharing your story - you never know who else may also have read your thoughts and taken them on board.
hugs,
Manola xo

[ngaire Bartlam]

you are very welcome my sweet! :)) Ngai
x

[KATE Mason]

just found this when i was checking up on you xo
so pleased to read it. i've been reading the secret recently. have you read it?
hugs for you
xo